To be true to my ideals. To not censor myself, if you don't like me then don't pretend to. It also taught me who my true friends are, who aren't and who had other intentions when they offered their friendship. I also reconnected with people and let go of hate and anger I had.
I'm just happy that 2013 showed me that I'm done being happy in unhappy situations. I will take control of my life, my friendships, and everything else.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
The Holidays are Winding Down...
and my anxiety is on an upswing.
Maybe I am just over it. I find myself just on autopilot with it all. I have no desire to wrap, no desire to unwrap either.
I can feel myself getting more and more awkward as time goes on. I see pictures of other peoples gatherings and there's a twinge of jealousy but at the same time I know I don't fit in to situations like that. Maybe it's the constant need to fill space with conversation or to try to be cheery but I just don't have it, or can do it. My conversations are dull by most standards usually on a few subjects and I really cannot fake convos or emotions. I can be an open book or I shut myself off. Lately I have been totally shutting myself off. To everyone.
I'm glad I got holiday cards out but know I still need to get to the Post Office and do a few other things in the next week and it's all giving me anxiety. Why can't I just be normal?
Maybe I am just over it. I find myself just on autopilot with it all. I have no desire to wrap, no desire to unwrap either.
I can feel myself getting more and more awkward as time goes on. I see pictures of other peoples gatherings and there's a twinge of jealousy but at the same time I know I don't fit in to situations like that. Maybe it's the constant need to fill space with conversation or to try to be cheery but I just don't have it, or can do it. My conversations are dull by most standards usually on a few subjects and I really cannot fake convos or emotions. I can be an open book or I shut myself off. Lately I have been totally shutting myself off. To everyone.
I'm glad I got holiday cards out but know I still need to get to the Post Office and do a few other things in the next week and it's all giving me anxiety. Why can't I just be normal?
Sunday, December 8, 2013
I Learned a Valuable Lesson Today
Today was humbling.
I am the first to admit I have no social skills and often judge people, usually harshly, if they are the opposite of me.
I did this at the nail salon today.
I had gone on a whim, as a treat for myself before going to work. I always go to the same place, its a good 20 minute ride but the staff is great, and the prices are right and they are open hours that I can manage with my retail schedule.
So I'm sitting there with one of the guys I often get and in walks this woman, who was talking to everyone to the point of seemingly bothering a few of the staff which I think was my initial moment of judging. She seemed nice enough but also really pushy. And me being me I automatically wrote her off, because sadly that's what I do. Like I said, I can't for various reasons carry on conversations like that never mind really want to know about others to the point of making sure they answer me.
So we were next to one another and I was just minding my own business, watching the football game and when prompted giving answers to the manicurist.
I find myself at the sink to wash up before polishing and paying next to said woman. We didn't say much then but I did allow her to walk out first because she had a cane. Talking nicely to people is hard, I'm more direct and honest to a fault, but those kinds of social norms I have mastered.
Anyways. So we each wash up and get polished. I then find myself in the dryer next to her. And truth be told I was nervous at first. I didn't want to have a conversation, I go there to decompress and get some ME time. But I think she may have sensed that and wasn't strong like she was with the others in the shop. Instead she eased in, that kind of conversation I can deal with, especially if I don't have to initiate. We wound up talking for a good 20 minutes, I even did an extra dry cycle to continue our conversation and not leave at an awkward mid discussion point.
I left feeling awful for judging her at first but so happy that I was given the chance to have a one on one with her. We actually have a lot in common, she's really nice and I hope that the next time I go there in a few weeks that she's there.
I learned something today. And I'm glad I did.
I am the first to admit I have no social skills and often judge people, usually harshly, if they are the opposite of me.
I did this at the nail salon today.
I had gone on a whim, as a treat for myself before going to work. I always go to the same place, its a good 20 minute ride but the staff is great, and the prices are right and they are open hours that I can manage with my retail schedule.
So I'm sitting there with one of the guys I often get and in walks this woman, who was talking to everyone to the point of seemingly bothering a few of the staff which I think was my initial moment of judging. She seemed nice enough but also really pushy. And me being me I automatically wrote her off, because sadly that's what I do. Like I said, I can't for various reasons carry on conversations like that never mind really want to know about others to the point of making sure they answer me.
So we were next to one another and I was just minding my own business, watching the football game and when prompted giving answers to the manicurist.
I find myself at the sink to wash up before polishing and paying next to said woman. We didn't say much then but I did allow her to walk out first because she had a cane. Talking nicely to people is hard, I'm more direct and honest to a fault, but those kinds of social norms I have mastered.
Anyways. So we each wash up and get polished. I then find myself in the dryer next to her. And truth be told I was nervous at first. I didn't want to have a conversation, I go there to decompress and get some ME time. But I think she may have sensed that and wasn't strong like she was with the others in the shop. Instead she eased in, that kind of conversation I can deal with, especially if I don't have to initiate. We wound up talking for a good 20 minutes, I even did an extra dry cycle to continue our conversation and not leave at an awkward mid discussion point.
I left feeling awful for judging her at first but so happy that I was given the chance to have a one on one with her. We actually have a lot in common, she's really nice and I hope that the next time I go there in a few weeks that she's there.
I learned something today. And I'm glad I did.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Getting a Holiday Itch
It's November 8th and I am itching to start decorating for the holidays. I don't get it. Honestly decorating stresses me out and I usually reserve it for a night when I'm working and the husband and children can do it but I want to do it and have it done but it doesn't feel right for me. The music and the decorations at the mall don't feel right so I don't get why I think it would feel right in my home right now.
I will also be doing a lot of pre Black Friday shopping, I don't find the best deals then and crowds bother me too so I'll be knocking a lot of it off my list in the next week.
Maybe I just want to get the holidays over with?
I will also be doing a lot of pre Black Friday shopping, I don't find the best deals then and crowds bother me too so I'll be knocking a lot of it off my list in the next week.
Maybe I just want to get the holidays over with?
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Being Publicly Thankful
Over the past few years I had participated in many of the FB "days of.." one of which is "25 Days of Thanks" which takes place in November. Which is nice but honestly if you are truly grateful you do this throughout the year regardless of what everyone else is doing.
And sadly a lot of these people that I see participating are the same ones who judge judge judge constantly on FB. This to me is hard to swallow. You show so much hate during the entire year but then November comes along and it's all love. Why can't you at least focus on yourself and be grateful instead of spiteful. It just doesn't read well to me. And FB is something that doesn't erase after you write something it'll always be there.
It's a big reason why I have chosen not to participate I'd rather try to show gratitude and thanks all year. I don't need a month.
and this ECard basically sums it up...
And sadly a lot of these people that I see participating are the same ones who judge judge judge constantly on FB. This to me is hard to swallow. You show so much hate during the entire year but then November comes along and it's all love. Why can't you at least focus on yourself and be grateful instead of spiteful. It just doesn't read well to me. And FB is something that doesn't erase after you write something it'll always be there.
It's a big reason why I have chosen not to participate I'd rather try to show gratitude and thanks all year. I don't need a month.
and this ECard basically sums it up...
Monday, November 4, 2013
Not looking forward to the Holidays...
The holidays are already stressing me out. From the fact that I have a few heavy socks and my feet are already freezing. I want/need new boots but am being super picky and cheap about it :-/.
Nevermind the crowds, trying to be the perfect Santa, and surviving the wonderful retail world and the snow. I can't even think straight already. Have I mentioned before I hate people, and crowds and I'm cheap :(
I'm tempted to decorate just to get it over with, and buy the first pair of boots I find but none of these things will help as I cannot hibernate which would be the best solution.
Ugh.
Nevermind the crowds, trying to be the perfect Santa, and surviving the wonderful retail world and the snow. I can't even think straight already. Have I mentioned before I hate people, and crowds and I'm cheap :(
I'm tempted to decorate just to get it over with, and buy the first pair of boots I find but none of these things will help as I cannot hibernate which would be the best solution.
Ugh.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Things That Go Bump in the Night
Yes, it is 12:35 am I am now suddenly wide awake with this absurd fear.
I live in a very old house(think - 1850's) and well that coupled with my recent obsession with aliens and the supernatural here I am awoken by every noise and having irrational and scary passing thoughts about death. Truth be told death is not something I usually fear, or even ponder but here I am and it's the only thing on my little mind.
It doesn't help at all that it's now a day from Halloween. Not one of my favorite holidays, I don't enjoy crowds or dressing up unless it's in my own imagination I am just not okay with it. That's just me I guess.
Candy on the other hand, that I like. Maybe a bit too much.
Okay back to this sudden fear.
We recently started using the heater again and well like I said this house is very very old, and not much of it is new, certainly not the walls at my best guess so every new vibration can be felt and heard. My little mind likes to play tricks on me as is - add that to this and well I "hear" things that are probably just vibrations or cars outside or any other number of things and my mind goes crazy. And that brings us to this blog entry.
I can't be the only one that this happens to. Right?
Thankfully tomorrow is my official off day. I will be catching up on Mad Men, maybe deep cleaning a few rooms, and finally making my spaghetti squash and fish dinner I have been craving. And hopefully getting a decent nap in, and going to bed at a decent time also...
I live in a very old house(think - 1850's) and well that coupled with my recent obsession with aliens and the supernatural here I am awoken by every noise and having irrational and scary passing thoughts about death. Truth be told death is not something I usually fear, or even ponder but here I am and it's the only thing on my little mind.
It doesn't help at all that it's now a day from Halloween. Not one of my favorite holidays, I don't enjoy crowds or dressing up unless it's in my own imagination I am just not okay with it. That's just me I guess.
Candy on the other hand, that I like. Maybe a bit too much.
Okay back to this sudden fear.
We recently started using the heater again and well like I said this house is very very old, and not much of it is new, certainly not the walls at my best guess so every new vibration can be felt and heard. My little mind likes to play tricks on me as is - add that to this and well I "hear" things that are probably just vibrations or cars outside or any other number of things and my mind goes crazy. And that brings us to this blog entry.
I can't be the only one that this happens to. Right?
Thankfully tomorrow is my official off day. I will be catching up on Mad Men, maybe deep cleaning a few rooms, and finally making my spaghetti squash and fish dinner I have been craving. And hopefully getting a decent nap in, and going to bed at a decent time also...
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Morning Thought 10/24
Do we think about the words we use?
I still find myself using things that others may find offensive or are so outdated that they have just become offensive.
I found a particularly interesting article in the Huffington Post this morning about just this.
read it here.
I find that a lot of people throw around many of these words without thinking. I hear and read the term "ghetto" for example a lot. I use it too, I won't lie. I think we use it so easily because it is never pointed out and is accepted. And that's how these words continue to live.
Just my thought for the morning.
I still find myself using things that others may find offensive or are so outdated that they have just become offensive.
I found a particularly interesting article in the Huffington Post this morning about just this.
read it here.
I find that a lot of people throw around many of these words without thinking. I hear and read the term "ghetto" for example a lot. I use it too, I won't lie. I think we use it so easily because it is never pointed out and is accepted. And that's how these words continue to live.
Just my thought for the morning.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Pumpkin Buyers Remorse - Parenting 101
So buying a pumpkin should be a fun experience, as should be carving/decorating.
Well we bought a pumpkin today, the biggest in the box(yes store bought, I don't pick pumpkins) and well now I'm looking at it and my daughter who's face lit up when we picked it out is set on carving it. How the hell am I going to do this. It's the size of a turkey or a small child.
I feel like this is parenting 101 as I bought this to make her happy - which it has - but now the reality of the situation has hit me.
We'll see how this works out.
I'll make a post about this adventure. I promise...
Well we bought a pumpkin today, the biggest in the box(yes store bought, I don't pick pumpkins) and well now I'm looking at it and my daughter who's face lit up when we picked it out is set on carving it. How the hell am I going to do this. It's the size of a turkey or a small child.
I feel like this is parenting 101 as I bought this to make her happy - which it has - but now the reality of the situation has hit me.
We'll see how this works out.
I'll make a post about this adventure. I promise...
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
What Do You Really Know?
What do you really know? What do any of us really know?
Do you know what they told you to know on TV, the newscaster or politician(of which it can be often hard to distinguish)?
Have you checked out all the facts? Do you just re spew the line and rhetoric of that of your friends, colleagues or family?
I guess the real question is - Do you think for yourself? Do you automatically share everything you see on FB or Twitter or Tumblr or whatever form of social media you fancy without looking into it deeper because it fits the agenda you like? Have you thought about the impact of that? Are you just in fact fueling someone else's drive for a few pennies or dollars for every "share" of such, that is ultimately propaganda?
This article -http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2013-08-08/features/ct-tribu-social-media-scam-likefarming-20130808_1_facebook-photos-newsfeed-the-facebook is a good reference and starting point for exploring what you are really doing on social media.
I just find myself bombarded by memes that only give half truths and play on emotions, agendas and are ultimately propaganda and are often just shared by those who feel it is their duty? maybe, or is something else. What makes one so share happy about one subject to the point that they no longer can even fathom another side or several sides exist?
Be critical. Don't preach, and be open.
To preach to others on a scale like Twitter or Facebook leaves at least with me a feeling of "my side is right and yours is wrong" especially when a line just like that is often taunted at those who don't agree or question you. Why are people so judgmental then when the ideas are challenged they become defensive. IF you truly believe and have facts to so harshly judge others lifestyles, and beliefs and behaviors then you should have facts and facts leave no room for defensiveness. They are what they are. IF one chooses to overlook them because they do not fall into one's agenda then that's fine but no reason for the harshness.
I know I recently blogged about this before it's just something I see over and over. And a lot of these issues that many are so passionate about are easy prey for like farming and other scams.
Do you know what they told you to know on TV, the newscaster or politician(of which it can be often hard to distinguish)?
Have you checked out all the facts? Do you just re spew the line and rhetoric of that of your friends, colleagues or family?
I guess the real question is - Do you think for yourself? Do you automatically share everything you see on FB or Twitter or Tumblr or whatever form of social media you fancy without looking into it deeper because it fits the agenda you like? Have you thought about the impact of that? Are you just in fact fueling someone else's drive for a few pennies or dollars for every "share" of such, that is ultimately propaganda?
This article -http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2013-08-08/features/ct-tribu-social-media-scam-likefarming-20130808_1_facebook-photos-newsfeed-the-facebook is a good reference and starting point for exploring what you are really doing on social media.
I just find myself bombarded by memes that only give half truths and play on emotions, agendas and are ultimately propaganda and are often just shared by those who feel it is their duty? maybe, or is something else. What makes one so share happy about one subject to the point that they no longer can even fathom another side or several sides exist?
Be critical. Don't preach, and be open.
To preach to others on a scale like Twitter or Facebook leaves at least with me a feeling of "my side is right and yours is wrong" especially when a line just like that is often taunted at those who don't agree or question you. Why are people so judgmental then when the ideas are challenged they become defensive. IF you truly believe and have facts to so harshly judge others lifestyles, and beliefs and behaviors then you should have facts and facts leave no room for defensiveness. They are what they are. IF one chooses to overlook them because they do not fall into one's agenda then that's fine but no reason for the harshness.
I know I recently blogged about this before it's just something I see over and over. And a lot of these issues that many are so passionate about are easy prey for like farming and other scams.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
My Thoughts On Why I Watch What I Watch...
I find myself hooked on several TV shows and often because of this lose interest in one or two very fast. As of late the lost interest has befallen on The Walking Dead, I had inhaled it on Netflix when I first got into it a couple seasons late then watched the 3rd Season semi-regularly and now as Season 4 has begun I have DVR'd the first show and yet I find myself watching Mad Men on Netflix instead, which I am several seasons behind.
I can't explain this but maybe I don't have the attention span for so many shows at once. I try to have an action show - I have replaced TWD with Revolution for that and tend to like those characters and the relationships there more, I also need some kind of reality show - which at the moment is Million Dollar Listing - Los Angeles. I guess that leaves drama which Mad Men encompasses, with some very obvious throwbacks to cultural issues of the 1960's which have always intrigued me.
I was never this involved with any TV series until I got Netflix now I feel like I have no excuse to not be up on the latest show that everyone else is talking about. I'm not entirely sure this is a good thing, in fact it probably is not. I have so many other things I need to be doing or could be doing. I have books downloaded onto my Nook that need to be read but for now I focus on TV. Less thought process I guess.
OK TV rant over...
I can't explain this but maybe I don't have the attention span for so many shows at once. I try to have an action show - I have replaced TWD with Revolution for that and tend to like those characters and the relationships there more, I also need some kind of reality show - which at the moment is Million Dollar Listing - Los Angeles. I guess that leaves drama which Mad Men encompasses, with some very obvious throwbacks to cultural issues of the 1960's which have always intrigued me.
I was never this involved with any TV series until I got Netflix now I feel like I have no excuse to not be up on the latest show that everyone else is talking about. I'm not entirely sure this is a good thing, in fact it probably is not. I have so many other things I need to be doing or could be doing. I have books downloaded onto my Nook that need to be read but for now I focus on TV. Less thought process I guess.
OK TV rant over...
Friday, October 11, 2013
A Few Thoughts for Today...
I find myself reflecting a lot more on morals, and right&wrong more then I ever used to. Maybe it's my age or my insatiable desire for knowledge. There are things in this life and world that I cannot change, people I may never understand, but I can be the best person I can.
I read things and am shaken to the core. I obviously can't do a whole lot to change the world but being aware of the things happening in it and critically thinking about it before I make a judgement one way or the other I try really hard to look at all sides. This applies to less global issues too.
I find myself always feeling pulled towards issues. I don't usually voice my opinions about them to keep the peace but find it hard not to have them. I know my friends and family all have differing political, religious & social views, it's one of the many reasons I choose not to share.
There are some things however I am vocal about - like Equal Rights for all. There are no qualifiers, no restrictions. I am a big supporter of gay marriage and a woman's right to choose. I also believe in choice in general from food to education and the like but I want to also say that with this choice also comes information and that all people are entitled to accurate and unbiased information on choices that they should be entitled to make. I firmly believe without that choice is pointless.
I should also come out and say that I am an atheist. No, that doesn't mean I worship the Devil, it also doesn't mean I'm Pagan or Wicca either. I don't worship anything. I've tried over the years to find a religion that suits me and I find none do and are all so closely related and similar that I cannot box myself into one. It's just who I am. And to put it out there - I will laugh at you if you say I'm going to Hell because I don't believe in your God. I'm sorry but I don't believe in Hell either. Just saying.
This is just a few of the things on my mind today, The International Day of the Girl & National Coming Out Day.
Happy October 11th...
I read things and am shaken to the core. I obviously can't do a whole lot to change the world but being aware of the things happening in it and critically thinking about it before I make a judgement one way or the other I try really hard to look at all sides. This applies to less global issues too.
I find myself always feeling pulled towards issues. I don't usually voice my opinions about them to keep the peace but find it hard not to have them. I know my friends and family all have differing political, religious & social views, it's one of the many reasons I choose not to share.
There are some things however I am vocal about - like Equal Rights for all. There are no qualifiers, no restrictions. I am a big supporter of gay marriage and a woman's right to choose. I also believe in choice in general from food to education and the like but I want to also say that with this choice also comes information and that all people are entitled to accurate and unbiased information on choices that they should be entitled to make. I firmly believe without that choice is pointless.
I should also come out and say that I am an atheist. No, that doesn't mean I worship the Devil, it also doesn't mean I'm Pagan or Wicca either. I don't worship anything. I've tried over the years to find a religion that suits me and I find none do and are all so closely related and similar that I cannot box myself into one. It's just who I am. And to put it out there - I will laugh at you if you say I'm going to Hell because I don't believe in your God. I'm sorry but I don't believe in Hell either. Just saying.
This is just a few of the things on my mind today, The International Day of the Girl & National Coming Out Day.
Happy October 11th...
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Things That Challenge Me
There are a few things I am good at, and many that challenge me. I'll give you a list of those things, well the ones that I can come up with, I am sure there are more.
Rice. For whatever reason cooking rice has been a challenge, no matter how I cook it, what brand, what kind it never comes out exactly right. But I keep trying. Tonight I made a dish with lots of veggies - mushrooms, eggplant, corn, peas, peppers, onions and spices and it came out OK but not exactly how I pictured it. I used brown rice which I prefer for flavor and that it doesn't attack my RA as badly as white rice does.
Making Social Plans. This is something I've always had issues with, not sure if it's a self esteem thing(after learning about myself more I'm pretty sure it's NOT that but there are times when it does come into play), or just initiating conversation and making plans. Just not something I am comfortable with. I guess I hurt myself this way and probably leave a lot of people wondering why we don't hang out more. I guess I'd rather be alone a lot of the time.
Adjusting to Change. It can literally be any change from something really small - like going to an earlier or later movie, to bigger changes I just don't handle them well. Preparing myself for them makes it easier but it's still hard.
Not Obsessing. This may sound weird to some but if I attach myself to something I tend to get obsessive. Some of these things only last a few days or weeks, others can go on for well years and stay with me. They become a part of me. Like my morbid obsession with WWII & the Holocaust. It's really not something nice to "like" but I do. Things really interest me that involve it include the survivor stories as well as the stories of the perpetrators. I guess it's more of the people that I am interested in. I have read numerous books, watched countless movies(documentaries & fictional depictions). I just like it.
I'm sure there are more, in fact I know there are but these are the ones that come to mind....
Rice. For whatever reason cooking rice has been a challenge, no matter how I cook it, what brand, what kind it never comes out exactly right. But I keep trying. Tonight I made a dish with lots of veggies - mushrooms, eggplant, corn, peas, peppers, onions and spices and it came out OK but not exactly how I pictured it. I used brown rice which I prefer for flavor and that it doesn't attack my RA as badly as white rice does.
Making Social Plans. This is something I've always had issues with, not sure if it's a self esteem thing(after learning about myself more I'm pretty sure it's NOT that but there are times when it does come into play), or just initiating conversation and making plans. Just not something I am comfortable with. I guess I hurt myself this way and probably leave a lot of people wondering why we don't hang out more. I guess I'd rather be alone a lot of the time.
Adjusting to Change. It can literally be any change from something really small - like going to an earlier or later movie, to bigger changes I just don't handle them well. Preparing myself for them makes it easier but it's still hard.
Not Obsessing. This may sound weird to some but if I attach myself to something I tend to get obsessive. Some of these things only last a few days or weeks, others can go on for well years and stay with me. They become a part of me. Like my morbid obsession with WWII & the Holocaust. It's really not something nice to "like" but I do. Things really interest me that involve it include the survivor stories as well as the stories of the perpetrators. I guess it's more of the people that I am interested in. I have read numerous books, watched countless movies(documentaries & fictional depictions). I just like it.
I'm sure there are more, in fact I know there are but these are the ones that come to mind....
Monday, October 7, 2013
Taking Stock...
I wish I could dispense advice on this things like relationships, finances, careers, education, and the like but even at 30 I don't have half the answers. I don't even have the questions. Truth be told I'm not as far in life as I once dreamed as a child. I had big dreams - I was going to write and travel and own a wonderful condo in some huge city that I only saw a few weeks a year and that's what I wanted. It didn't work out that way. I've traveled, I write(sorta, just here) but the rest not so much.
I watch a lot of TV and I need to start comparing myself to these people. It's great to have all the things I do but I still want more, and not just more for me but more for my family. I plan on going back to school hopefully soon and start the long process so that I have more to work with.
What can I give advice on? Hmm. I've been thinking about that. I guess there are some things I know about - like where to find deals, how to manage RA(well not so much lately but I have been managing it well up until recently), things to do in Boston and the area, and some parenting advice I could dispose. I try to be positive, I do but sometimes you just have to take stock of what you have, where you are going and who you are.
I guess that's what this is...
I watch a lot of TV and I need to start comparing myself to these people. It's great to have all the things I do but I still want more, and not just more for me but more for my family. I plan on going back to school hopefully soon and start the long process so that I have more to work with.
What can I give advice on? Hmm. I've been thinking about that. I guess there are some things I know about - like where to find deals, how to manage RA(well not so much lately but I have been managing it well up until recently), things to do in Boston and the area, and some parenting advice I could dispose. I try to be positive, I do but sometimes you just have to take stock of what you have, where you are going and who you are.
I guess that's what this is...
Staying Positive..
When things just continue to feel like they are negative.
I try really hard to be positive about everything but last night after a miserable day as I was applying BenGay Zero Degrees I realized how bad my Arthritis has gotten. I need to make an appointment soon and explore the thoughts of going on medicine again but this is such a scary step for me, I don't like medicine in general nevermind possibly being on a pill or sets of pills everyday for the rest of my life is really scary. Overwhelming to say the least.
I try really hard to be positive about everything but last night after a miserable day as I was applying BenGay Zero Degrees I realized how bad my Arthritis has gotten. I need to make an appointment soon and explore the thoughts of going on medicine again but this is such a scary step for me, I don't like medicine in general nevermind possibly being on a pill or sets of pills everyday for the rest of my life is really scary. Overwhelming to say the least.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
It Doesn't Matter!
It doesn't matter what side of the political spectrum you fall into, who you vote for or whatever. The fact that EVERY TIME there is an incident, any incident - from the #GovernmentShutdown to the #CapitolShooting we become divided & blame each other. Truth is that everyone, yes everyone. Even your favorite politician is to blame.
To automatically blame a woman's menstrual cycle if it is reported somewhere that she is the culprit is #sexist. In fact automatically using any of the old "standbys" to label people because of their race, gender, political affiliation, or any of the other things we use to divide each other is wrong. Can we not jump to conclusions and work together? Just a thought.
It doesn't help that in a time when information is instant - like this blog. That a lot of times - think #NavyYardShooting reports are often construed, full of misinformation and it spreads like wildfire. Think about how you get info, who gives it to you, and take EVERYTHING from a lonely blog(i.e this) to your favorite news analyst, paper, and other sources with a grain of salt. They will all prove to have some kind of relevant information but I can almost guarantee NONE tell the full story.
I won't tell you what to do or how to think but I'm just passing on some knowledge. Something that we should all do.
I like this video also for a nice little, easy explanation.
(courtesy of PivotTV)
To automatically blame a woman's menstrual cycle if it is reported somewhere that she is the culprit is #sexist. In fact automatically using any of the old "standbys" to label people because of their race, gender, political affiliation, or any of the other things we use to divide each other is wrong. Can we not jump to conclusions and work together? Just a thought.
It doesn't help that in a time when information is instant - like this blog. That a lot of times - think #NavyYardShooting reports are often construed, full of misinformation and it spreads like wildfire. Think about how you get info, who gives it to you, and take EVERYTHING from a lonely blog(i.e this) to your favorite news analyst, paper, and other sources with a grain of salt. They will all prove to have some kind of relevant information but I can almost guarantee NONE tell the full story.
I won't tell you what to do or how to think but I'm just passing on some knowledge. Something that we should all do.
I like this video also for a nice little, easy explanation.
On Wednesday We Wear Pink...
If you know this movie your kewl factor just went way up :)
and yes I know it's not wednesday but i felt this was appropriate ;)
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
I Started a Facebook Page...Again
and this is one is much more relaxed. I don't feel like I have to be positive and can be cynical & have fun!
In the process I downloaded another App for my phone and realized how much I can do from my phone. I literally can control all of my social media(including this!) from my phone on the go! crazy! And I can track all the demographics & get in depth info.
I'm slowly turning into a social media geek. Now only if I could get paid to do this...that would be a dream come true!
In the process I downloaded another App for my phone and realized how much I can do from my phone. I literally can control all of my social media(including this!) from my phone on the go! crazy! And I can track all the demographics & get in depth info.
I'm slowly turning into a social media geek. Now only if I could get paid to do this...that would be a dream come true!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
A Funny Thing Happened at the Tattoo Shop...
You know how I wrote a blog about suffering from RA pretty badly lately, well I did what I guess most would consider "not smart" but honestly I've never considered myself normal and sometimes I react to things differently then most others would.
I had had an itch to get a new tattoo for a while, yes I had one done in April but I needed something so last night I had some ME time and did just that. I took a chance with the pain I'd been in and I wouldn't advise others to do the same but I went and got a tattoo on a place that is prone to my arthritis pain. Call me crazy I can take it...
And truth be told it actually relieved the pain and I was completely relaxed. My other tattoos hurt more, and they were smaller and not in as sensitive areas. NO, I can't explain and I am by no means advising tattooing as a pain reliever or alternative to medicine but FOR ME I found some relief in it.
And yes it wasn't the smartest thing IF it didn't wind up helping but honestly tattoos are supposed to be painful and they are a great art form that I am embracing full force. I also found my new tattoo guy, he's going to finish my back as I now know it's going to be ocean themed.
I had had an itch to get a new tattoo for a while, yes I had one done in April but I needed something so last night I had some ME time and did just that. I took a chance with the pain I'd been in and I wouldn't advise others to do the same but I went and got a tattoo on a place that is prone to my arthritis pain. Call me crazy I can take it...
And truth be told it actually relieved the pain and I was completely relaxed. My other tattoos hurt more, and they were smaller and not in as sensitive areas. NO, I can't explain and I am by no means advising tattooing as a pain reliever or alternative to medicine but FOR ME I found some relief in it.
And yes it wasn't the smartest thing IF it didn't wind up helping but honestly tattoos are supposed to be painful and they are a great art form that I am embracing full force. I also found my new tattoo guy, he's going to finish my back as I now know it's going to be ocean themed.
This does it no justice. But it's beautiful and I'm in love. I'll post a better pic when it's healed.
And here's the link to the amazing shop where I will continue to do work - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sacred-Harp-Tattoo/145253670131
Corey and his artists are amazing, great vibe.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Flares & Stares
I have Rheumatoid Arthritis. There I said it. I'm also Bipolar, Anemic, and can be an outright pain in the ass. I own all of it. Is there anything I'm missing?
Lately I've been suffering with the RA. I don't usually use that term but it seems to fit as of late. I haven't had a flare up in months but this past two weeks have been pretty terrible on and off. Last night I was woken up by it, my back was stiff and at the same time felt like it was being stuck by needles. This morning was better, it's now only my lower back but I'm still hungover from the pain for lack of a better term.
I'm not sure why I'm sharing any of this. I don't usually talk about it, at least not this publicly.
I'm determined to get running again, and as painful as it is at first movement really does help this terrible thing. I'm also determined not to let this define me, defeat me or any of the like things. I just won't. I will overcome.
I guess I just wanted to share here since I haven't in a long time.
Enjoy your weekend everyone!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Facebook Games
Why did I let myself get back into them!?
I'm at the moment playing 3 of them well if you count Bitstrips as a game then 4. Disney City Girl, Bejeweled, and Criminal Case. Why?
I can't get anything tangible from them, I gain nothing. DSG is a lot like The Sims, so I understand why that appeals to me. The others are just addictive.
Silly Facebook and your games.
monday rant!
feeling melancholy. my weekend was amazing but Monday is just blah.
Questioning a lot of my friendships and sad that this is how things sometimes work out. Just want to go back to bed..
Questioning a lot of my friendships and sad that this is how things sometimes work out. Just want to go back to bed..
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I miss my hoodies
Weatherwise I am never satisfied. It's high 80s to low 90s and I'm miserable. But on the opposite end if it was 30 degrees I'd be miserable too. I cannot win.
I'm more comfortable in hoodies but not ever comfortable in that weather either. Being anemic I am always cold to some degree. I always have a very time wearing some clothes, I always have been that way. Sometimes I need to wear tank tops out of necessity but I just don't feel comfortable doing it. I wore one today and although it was needed because it was so hot by the afternoon I had a light jacket on, with a hood. It's what I feel most comfortable in. Maybe that's why I don't like this weather I can't easily adapt to it.
Onto Summer! I'll survive. Somehow.
I'm more comfortable in hoodies but not ever comfortable in that weather either. Being anemic I am always cold to some degree. I always have a very time wearing some clothes, I always have been that way. Sometimes I need to wear tank tops out of necessity but I just don't feel comfortable doing it. I wore one today and although it was needed because it was so hot by the afternoon I had a light jacket on, with a hood. It's what I feel most comfortable in. Maybe that's why I don't like this weather I can't easily adapt to it.
Onto Summer! I'll survive. Somehow.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Money Rant!
Tomorrow is pay day. Thankfully because I have stuff I need to get and stuff I want to get. Like Sangria, that would be a want or is it a need? A Tinkerbell set for my daughter that has erasers and pencils. Where am I going to get this? No idea but I will find it.
I know there's some other things I need to attain in the next few days too but those are at the top of my list. I am drinking the last of the Sangria as I type and well the Tinkerbell thing is results of a sibling argument. Fantastic.
There are bigger things I'd like to start putting money aside for too.
Money and I have a love/hate relationship as you can see.
Ugh.
<and to clarify I am not an alcoholic, I actually have not bought Sangria in a really long time and my bottle finally is gone so I need to get some more before anyone jumps to any conclusions..>
I know there's some other things I need to attain in the next few days too but those are at the top of my list. I am drinking the last of the Sangria as I type and well the Tinkerbell thing is results of a sibling argument. Fantastic.
There are bigger things I'd like to start putting money aside for too.
Money and I have a love/hate relationship as you can see.
Ugh.
<and to clarify I am not an alcoholic, I actually have not bought Sangria in a really long time and my bottle finally is gone so I need to get some more before anyone jumps to any conclusions..>
Oh Travel Bug!
I have such a tendency to attach to something, some things I am able to only mildly attach myself then there are other times when I get pretty obsessed.
Something that I have always been obsessed with has been World War II. I have been able to meet a survivor, been to many tribute sites in the United States and read and have seen many stories in the years I have been obsessed.
I recently began seriously looking into travel to Europe to see some of the most infamous sites of that time.
Travel to Europe is very expensive. So this will take some time to save up for.
But for now I'm going to get all the info I can, play around with different airline tools and get psyched. I probably should hold off on this for a bit as my kids are still little but when they're teens this will be a great experience.
This is one of the things I am looking into - http://www.auschwitz-tours.com/faq.html
I have a friend who did this and was very impressed so I hope this can be part of our experience.
I'd ultimately like to do a Berlin to London to Krakow and make it a long trip on both rails and flight.
http://www.raileurope.com/
Ah something to plan, and look forward to...
Something that I have always been obsessed with has been World War II. I have been able to meet a survivor, been to many tribute sites in the United States and read and have seen many stories in the years I have been obsessed.
I recently began seriously looking into travel to Europe to see some of the most infamous sites of that time.
Travel to Europe is very expensive. So this will take some time to save up for.
But for now I'm going to get all the info I can, play around with different airline tools and get psyched. I probably should hold off on this for a bit as my kids are still little but when they're teens this will be a great experience.
This is one of the things I am looking into - http://www.auschwitz-tours.com/faq.html
I have a friend who did this and was very impressed so I hope this can be part of our experience.
I'd ultimately like to do a Berlin to London to Krakow and make it a long trip on both rails and flight.
http://www.raileurope.com/
Ah something to plan, and look forward to...
...
Some days are better then others.
Some days everything falls into place then there are days like I've had the past few days. It's not that they are horrid but exhausting is probably the better word. Having a very mouthy and intelligent four year old who on some days is a breeze to deal with then others she has to remind me of her age and the things she knows. I was happy to work tonight and for once in a while people were pretty normal there, thankfully. Also discussion with adults and no children vying for attention is always a good thing.
Some days everything falls into place then there are days like I've had the past few days. It's not that they are horrid but exhausting is probably the better word. Having a very mouthy and intelligent four year old who on some days is a breeze to deal with then others she has to remind me of her age and the things she knows. I was happy to work tonight and for once in a while people were pretty normal there, thankfully. Also discussion with adults and no children vying for attention is always a good thing.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
No, it will not fix itself...
Well, I wound up cooking last night after all. Which I probably should not have done.
I had this image of wonderful stuffed masa filled with cheese, peppers, onions, corn and carrots. The instant corn masa seemed easy enough to make but clearly I was not equipped to do this and well it didn't work out. Still I told myself naively it would fix itself in the oven.
At this point you should be laughing. Like that guy.Well needless to say they didn't work out. At all. They didn't bake like I had envisioned and even after I tried to sauteed/deep fry them to maybe salvage them it just wasn't going to happen either. Thankfully my husband saved the day and came home with Dominoes two hours later...Moral of the story - I need to not cook when sick and clearly food will not fix itself in the oven. I'm a moron but at least I have leftover pizza for lunch and don't have to cook tonight as I'll be at work.
I had this image of wonderful stuffed masa filled with cheese, peppers, onions, corn and carrots. The instant corn masa seemed easy enough to make but clearly I was not equipped to do this and well it didn't work out. Still I told myself naively it would fix itself in the oven.
At this point you should be laughing. Like that guy.Well needless to say they didn't work out. At all. They didn't bake like I had envisioned and even after I tried to sauteed/deep fry them to maybe salvage them it just wasn't going to happen either. Thankfully my husband saved the day and came home with Dominoes two hours later...Moral of the story - I need to not cook when sick and clearly food will not fix itself in the oven. I'm a moron but at least I have leftover pizza for lunch and don't have to cook tonight as I'll be at work. Monday, May 27, 2013
Monday Rant
Man, I love food.
On days like today when my allergies are ravaging and I'm also feeling a cold thanks to my lovely family I reach for junk. And when I say junk I mean it - chips, gummies, energy drinks, soda and chocolate. Mmm. It's like PMS+.
Other times I'm eating fresh fruits, veggies and the like. I have a pretty limited diet when it comes to meat, I eat bacon(usually turkey and I try to buy local or regional), and fish. Fish is also bought local or regional. Thankfully where I shop most foods is local and regional. To me that's important. The shorter the distance from farm/factory to plate the better. But that's me and as a mother, consumer, and person I believe and understand that everyone has their own priorities when it comes to food and everything in life. I won't preach to you about why I don't eat red meat or chicken(maybe the occasional bit in soup) because it's my decision and yours to eat or not eat whatever you desire is entirely yours.
So as I have said I'm feeling gross today. I'd like to make some homemade Mexican tonight but that won't happen unless I start feeling better.
It's also Memorial Day I'd rather be out enjoying a parade too.
So on that note - Thank a Veteran.
<end rant
On days like today when my allergies are ravaging and I'm also feeling a cold thanks to my lovely family I reach for junk. And when I say junk I mean it - chips, gummies, energy drinks, soda and chocolate. Mmm. It's like PMS+.
Other times I'm eating fresh fruits, veggies and the like. I have a pretty limited diet when it comes to meat, I eat bacon(usually turkey and I try to buy local or regional), and fish. Fish is also bought local or regional. Thankfully where I shop most foods is local and regional. To me that's important. The shorter the distance from farm/factory to plate the better. But that's me and as a mother, consumer, and person I believe and understand that everyone has their own priorities when it comes to food and everything in life. I won't preach to you about why I don't eat red meat or chicken(maybe the occasional bit in soup) because it's my decision and yours to eat or not eat whatever you desire is entirely yours.
So as I have said I'm feeling gross today. I'd like to make some homemade Mexican tonight but that won't happen unless I start feeling better.
It's also Memorial Day I'd rather be out enjoying a parade too.
So on that note - Thank a Veteran.
<end rant
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Space. Can I have some?
No ma'am there is plenty of room on the escalator you do not need to be up my ass. Honestly.
This happens to me constantly.
And it's always someone with a huge bag or box that ultimately sticks into me because they are just too close. If you want me to move so you can get to wherever you are going then ask me to move over.
I find this happening must frequently on escalators but it also happens in lines which I'm not sure which is worse.
Let me share with you one of my favorite graphics to properly illustrate my issue:
This happens to me constantly.
And it's always someone with a huge bag or box that ultimately sticks into me because they are just too close. If you want me to move so you can get to wherever you are going then ask me to move over.
I find this happening must frequently on escalators but it also happens in lines which I'm not sure which is worse.
Let me share with you one of my favorite graphics to properly illustrate my issue:
maybe this is harsh but really it is that simple.
I can't be the only one with this issue..
Allergies - A Rant
I'm at this point in the year allergic to everything that is outside in our environment. It's not as bad as some of my friends and family but I still feel it and today for whatever reason I am really feeling it. I think the worst part is the sinus headache and although OTC meds do help I still feel the pressure.
Sometimes I wish I was allergic to things I could avoid like cats or dogs or penicillin But no I am allergic to the outside world for at least a few months and aside from locking myself in in the beautiful weather I just have to continue to try to function. Yuck.
Sometimes I wish I was allergic to things I could avoid like cats or dogs or penicillin But no I am allergic to the outside world for at least a few months and aside from locking myself in in the beautiful weather I just have to continue to try to function. Yuck.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Cynical and Questioning. Although the Pink SRX's are cute..
On May 23rd I had the "honor" of attending a "free" facial with a promise of $25 in free product from non other then Mary Kay.
I had "won" this at the North Shore Mall's Mom's Night Out. I work at the mall, I figured hey I'll put my name into a few things. I was hoping for the free 3 month YMCA membership or the Peabody/Essex Museum prizes but hey free is free right? So I called my rep back and a week later to the day was at this "event".
Truth be told I was a bit excited about the prospect of maybe learning new makeup techniques and free stuff. Like I said I like free. So I had checked out this particular reps MK page and had a few things picked out. Because like I said I like free stuff and I do like makeup.
This was a facial - that I had to do myself. Thankfully I was also seated next to another Cynic. Josephine and her daughter, Sophia, were hysterical and we all just pointed out the ridiculousness of everything. And it was everything. The first question they asked me was "What do you do for work?" Really? I want a facial, I want free stuff, not to discuss my work. But I did and pointed out that I love my retail job, I write and I have a certification in Phlebotomy. Apparently something I said stuck out to the vultures. The director, Alyssa, a nice mid 20s - early 30s woman who had regaled us with how she had quit a "well paying but demanding job" as an Industrial Engineer to pursue Mary Kay.
. This was my expression because really? But I guess it's not right to question another person's decisions so best of luck to her, I guess.
Maybe it was all the pep? Or all the "We Love Mary Kay" or the picture of the founder hanging on every piece of free space on the walls. Or that it was in a conspicuous office building on the 3rd floor. They wanted me and they wanted me bad. Or maybe it wasn't just me, maybe it was just what they do to everyone but I suppose I can just feel special and say it was just me, because I am educated and knew how to apply makeup. Yes at one point there was compliments of the like. I must say me being me and someone who only recently started to wear makeup that made me feel good. Then I was given a card to call a number and listen to help my rep with her training. Okay can do. I was sincerely hoping it was about the product and the hope of winning a free Coach bag was enticing that I can't lie about. So I called and I listened for 10 minutes(of the 40 I was warned this would be) about the wonders of selling MK. Um didn't I just go through this? I just left this, I really wanted to learn about the product. Honestly like I said I like makeup, how hard is it to sell me the PRODUCT!!!
Then there was the text message. "This is (insert rep name here) confirming that you will be on the conference call this morning". I had just had enough. I told her that I was sincerely interested in the product and had no intentions of ever selling for the company. I hoped that would be enough to sway her and maybe have her send me some kind of actual product flyer. Nope. She persisted. Insisting it was our "business plan" and she was not "forcing anyone to sell" yet she continued with the rhetoric. And I called her out on it and referred her to http://www.pinktruth.com/ which I had discovered as I was listening to the recording from the card she had given me the night before. Google is my friend. She then apologized and I haven't heard from her since. I was promised Blonde Bombshell liquid eye shadow and some mascara that would be shipped out to me from my attendance last night and I'll be happy to receive it and do like the product and I will buy it only from her. Yes, I actually liked the product. But I will never attend a meeting like this again, unless maybe I need some more material because it's once you are able to take off the rose colored glasses and fully examine what is really going on there's a lot to talk and discuss.
It got me thinking though, and it got me writing again. And I guess for that I can be thankful. If that's the right word for it.
I had "won" this at the North Shore Mall's Mom's Night Out. I work at the mall, I figured hey I'll put my name into a few things. I was hoping for the free 3 month YMCA membership or the Peabody/Essex Museum prizes but hey free is free right? So I called my rep back and a week later to the day was at this "event".
Truth be told I was a bit excited about the prospect of maybe learning new makeup techniques and free stuff. Like I said I like free. So I had checked out this particular reps MK page and had a few things picked out. Because like I said I like free stuff and I do like makeup.
This was a facial - that I had to do myself. Thankfully I was also seated next to another Cynic. Josephine and her daughter, Sophia, were hysterical and we all just pointed out the ridiculousness of everything. And it was everything. The first question they asked me was "What do you do for work?" Really? I want a facial, I want free stuff, not to discuss my work. But I did and pointed out that I love my retail job, I write and I have a certification in Phlebotomy. Apparently something I said stuck out to the vultures. The director, Alyssa, a nice mid 20s - early 30s woman who had regaled us with how she had quit a "well paying but demanding job" as an Industrial Engineer to pursue Mary Kay.
. This was my expression because really? But I guess it's not right to question another person's decisions so best of luck to her, I guess.
Anyone who has ever been to one these "parties" probably knows that as we were giving ourselves facials the sell was NOT on the product it was on the sell and the company. Personally I like makeup, I'd rather have an hour and a half long presentation on the actual product not on their personal stories. Which all sounded the same. There were other twenty somethings there asking about what was in the products and other relative questions but once the director started talking about the new Cadillac SRX she would be getting in September that's where the discussion went. They played right into her little recruiter hungry paws. If you are wondering this is what she was referring to - 
(image via caddyinfo.ipbhost.com )
(image via caddyinfo.ipbhost.com )Then there was the text message. "This is (insert rep name here) confirming that you will be on the conference call this morning". I had just had enough. I told her that I was sincerely interested in the product and had no intentions of ever selling for the company. I hoped that would be enough to sway her and maybe have her send me some kind of actual product flyer. Nope. She persisted. Insisting it was our "business plan" and she was not "forcing anyone to sell" yet she continued with the rhetoric. And I called her out on it and referred her to http://www.pinktruth.com/ which I had discovered as I was listening to the recording from the card she had given me the night before. Google is my friend. She then apologized and I haven't heard from her since. I was promised Blonde Bombshell liquid eye shadow and some mascara that would be shipped out to me from my attendance last night and I'll be happy to receive it and do like the product and I will buy it only from her. Yes, I actually liked the product. But I will never attend a meeting like this again, unless maybe I need some more material because it's once you are able to take off the rose colored glasses and fully examine what is really going on there's a lot to talk and discuss.
It got me thinking though, and it got me writing again. And I guess for that I can be thankful. If that's the right word for it.
What is a Cynic?
from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cynic
cyn·ic
noun \ˈsi-nik\Definition of CYNIC
1
capitalized : an adherent of an ancient Greek school of philosophers who held the view that virtue is the only good and that its essence lies in self-control and independence
2
: a faultfinding captious critic; especially : one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest
— cynic adjective
See Examples of CYNIC
- He's too much of a cynic to see the benefits of marriage.
- A cynic might think that the governor visited the hospital just to gain votes.
- Reporters who cover politics often become cynics.
Origin of CYNIC
Middle French or Latin, Middle French cynique, from Latincynicus, from Greek kynikos, literally, like a dog, from kyn-, kyōn dog — more at hound
First Known Use: 1542
Related to CYNIC
- Synonyms
- misanthrope, naysayer, pessimist
Rhymes with CYNIC
This is where I feel I fit in - : a faultfinding captious critic; especially : one who believes that human conduct is motivated wholly by self-interest.
I can even admit that this blog is motivated by self-interest so I am not immune.
I hope to explore in this blog the everyday occurrences that I find amusing mostly and give you my own take on it. The good, The Bad and The Ugly..
So welcome! Tell your friends :)
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